


Operation: Mike Hawk

by rage_quitter



Series: Roleswap Crew [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Roleswap AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rage_quitter/pseuds/rage_quitter
Summary: A building full of gangs, a ticking time limit, and no weapons. Ryan, Jack, and Michael are alone in pulling off this job.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Roleswap AU! I posted some jeremwood smut set in this same 'verse yesterday, so check that out if you want! The roleswap:  
> Jeremy > boss  
> Michael > infiltrator/intel gathering  
> Gavin > explosion guy  
> Geoff > second in command/pilot/driver  
> Jack > murder guy/vagabond  
> Ryan > negotiator/assassin/golden boy
> 
> and yes the title is totally inspired by the hitman immersion. thank to youkoartemis for that one!

Ryan was antsy. They were running late.

“Michael,” he snapped into the coms. “Where the fuck are you?”

_ “Infiltrating, dumbass,” _ Michael’s voice hissed.  _ “Shut up and let me do my damn job. I got turned around in the halls here. _ ”

“Jesus Christ,” Geoff muttered from beside Ryan in the driver’s seat of the car. “Michael, we need to know now, where is the target?”

_ “Let me figure it out!” _ Michael huffed. There was another, nearly thirty seconds of silence that drove them all mad. Michael finally breathed out in relief.  _ “Target located. It’s right where we expected.” _

“Plan should be good to go, then?” Geoff asked.

_ “Proceed,” _ Jeremy ordered.  _ “Ryan, get in there, meet with Jack, listen to Michael. Michael, get to the target as quickly as possible, but don’t let anyone get suspicious.” _

“Aye, aye, captain,” Ryan said with a roll of his eyes, even though Jeremy couldn’t see it. He gave Geoff a friendly bump with his elbow before exiting the car. He dusted off his suit and adjusted his assortment of glittery gold jewelry. 

Approaching the front of the building, essentially a giant-ass mansion near the northwest coast of San Andreas, Ryan could already see a familiar figure in an almost garish red floral dress waiting away from the line. The auction was invite only and heavily monitored. When Ryan walked up, Jack met him. 

“Lovely of you to finally show up,” she said a little loud, sounding annoyed. Ryan knew the act; they'd practiced. 

“Traffic,” he explained with a smile. “I'm here now. Shall we?”

Jack huffed dramatically but looped her arm through Ryan's. Ryan led her to the door. “Got the invitation?” Jack asked quietly.

Ryan patted his pocket and nodded. “We should be good to go. They are gonna pat us down, you know.”

“I figured. I only have self defense cat in my purse,” she replied. “Looks like a keychain charm, anyway.”

“You, not armed to the teeth? It’s a strange day indeed.”

She snorted. “Ryan, please, have some respect, I’m a professional.”

He laughed, but quickly reclaimed his facade of calm indifference as they swept to the line. With a shared look, they sauntered past them all. 

“Excuse me,” started the bouncer as they approached, “the line starts back there.”

Ryan released Jack’s arm to take out their invitation, neatly folded in an envelope. He passed it over with a smug smile. The bouncer narrowed his eyes, but looked at the invitation. Ryan watched in satisfaction as his eyes widened. 

The bouncer passed the invitation back. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t realize who you were.”

“As though it shouldn’t already be obvious,” Ryan said with a roll of his eyes. He wasn’t the most subtle member of the crew; he was the face of the Fakes. 

The bouncer waved to the guards on either side of the grand doors. The bouncer stepped aside to allow the Fakes entrance. “You’ll be checked for weapons inside. Top floor is off limits, as is the lower. Burns should be out to greet everyone in the next hour or so.”

“Thank you,” Jack said with a smile as Ryan took her arm again. The pair headed inside.

_ “You in?” _ Jeremy asked. 

“It’s very nice in here,” Ryan commented aloud. He wasn’t lying. It was some bizarre combination of massive mansion and office building, owned by the Roosters, an organization fronting as an entertainment company but playing a big part in the criminal underworld. This was essentially their headquarters in the area, and this auction was an annual event held by a different crew every year for the biggest gangs in the country as a way of making connections and for gangs to make money selling various things, from stolen art to caches of arms. The Fakes were lucky this year; it was being held here in San Andreas.

The Fakes were always very close to the Roosters, a subset of them once before becoming their own entity shortly before Jeremy became the leader. They were essentially VIP at this gathering. Of course, Burnie Burns, who was acting as the spokesman for the Roosters here, warned them not to send in the whole gang. Naturally, Ryan would be the one to attend, and Jack offered to go with him. Michael’s entrance was less official, and Burnie would have their hides if he knew how Michael got in.

“They won’t catch the coms, will they?” Jack worried.

Ryan shook his head minutely. “Half the fucks in here are probably in touch with their gangs. Plus, ours are subtle as hell. We’ll be fine. Don’t worry, or they might catch them.”

Ryan led her a little further in before one of the Roosters approached. His face brightened when he saw them. “Hey, you’re here!”

“Hello, Blaine,” Ryan greeted. “How are you enjoying San Andreas?”

“It’s nice,” Blaine said. “The beaches are fucking awesome, even in January. Looks like you guys have the city locked down. Congrats on that.”

“Thanks,” Jack replied. “Jeremy’s doing a grand job.”

_ “Stop sucking up, you’re not getting a raise,” _ Jeremy commented.

“Good to hear. Pass on my congratulations to him.”

“Will do. Are you doing the obligatory pat-down?” Ryan asked.

“Yep, I’m sure you know the drill.” 

Jack’s pat-down went unceremoniously, Blaine apologizing and her snickering. While Blaine was checking Ryan, he noticed the thin wire going to his ear and raised an eyebrow.

“Better safe than sorry,” Ryan whispered. “Jeremy’s listening in to see what kind of stuff we might want to bid on, or any potential allies. No one else is here. He’s not even in the area.”

_ “Tell him I said hi,”  _ Jeremy said.

“He said you’re stupid.”

_ “Ryan!” _

Jack laughed. “Ryan, please,” she said. “He said hello, Blaine.”

Blaine laughed as well. “Thanks, Ryan. Okay, I’m trusting you guys. Don’t get into trouble.”

“What, us?” Ryan said with mock offense. “Never!”

Blaine shook his head. “All right, you’re good. The main hall to the right has drinks and food and all that, that’s where the auction will be held. Don’t go near the stage, it’s all crossed off anyway. You have a list of everything being auctioned?”

“Yes, we do,” Jack said.

“Good. Remember, this is supposed to be a peaceful auction. There’s a bunch of people with the Roosters here, someone will help you with whatever if you need it.”

“Thank you,” Ryan said with a smile. “It was good to see you again.”

Blaine waved them off, and they made their way to the right. The main hall looked like a cross between a ballroom and a theatre. There were chairs near the large stage, but the rest of the room was empty to allow for mingling and chitchat. There was a bar--of course there was--and various servers with a little rooster pin on their lapels wandering around. Guards with the same pin milled around the outskirts of the hall, keeping an eye out. Ryan recognized a few as members of the Roosters, but there were many more unfamiliar faces. It was already fairly crowded.

“Drinks?” Ryan asked.

“Yes, please,” Jack said. Arm in arm, they wove through the crowd to the bar area.

They made small talk with the bartender as she made a cocktail for Jack and glass of water for Ryan. Ryan charmed her, as he did most people, making her face pink with his compliments. 

_ “Yo, assholes, _ ” Michael’s voice hissed.  _ “Burnie’s on his way. Two minutes.” _

“Do you know what time the auction starts?” Ryan asked the bartender.

“Eight thirty,” she replied. “In about fifteen minutes.”

“Thank you very much,” Ryan said. He tipped her handsomely, despite her insistence that the Roosters were paying her well enough, before taking Jack to mingle with the crowd with their drinks.

Burnie arrived with fanfare, coming out from the side of the stage to greet the crowd. He was met with respecting applause and full attention.

“Thank you all for coming,” he said, “to the tenth annual Undercover Organizations auction, this year held by the Roosters.” There were scattered laughs from the crowd; the “official” name for this could never be decided and it changed every year. “It is an honor for our humble crew to be hosting this event and meeting all of you. I hope we can look forward to many future business opportunities and a fruitful year for everyone.” 

The applause was punctuated a few cheers as Burnie headed off the stage and into the crowd. The Roosters were well respected.

_ “Ryan, I see you. Meet me in the bathroom. I need the stuff.” _

Jack handed her handbag to Ryan. “I’ll cover for you,” she hissed. Ryan nodded and tucked the bag in his jacket. 

Ryan located the restrooms with the help of a server and hurried over. 

The gender neutral restroom was open a crack. Ryan rapped on the door. Michael’s voice hissed an affirmative to him.

Ryan slipped inside and locked the door. Michael was leaning against the wall behind the door, arms crossed, dressed as a server for the Roosters. Ryan had no idea where he got his outfit and pin and didn’t really want to ask. He was wearing a wig as well, and makeup to make his face look different.

“Hello,” Ryan greeted.

“Hey. Everything’s going well so far. Knock on wood.”

_ “I can punch Gavin in the dick, does that count?” _ Geoff’s voice said. Gavin’s protest was muted behind Jeremy’s laughter.

“Okay, okay, focus,” Ryan said through his own grin. “Here.” He pulled out the handbag. “There should be enough in here to pack that lockbox.”

“And they’re safe?”

Ryan shrugged. “Gavin made ‘em, ask him.”

_ “I spent weeks on ‘em, boi, don’t you worry.” _

Michael shook his head. “All right.” He stuffed the bag into his jacket. “You and Jack need to distract Burnie and the rest of the guards so I can get back there and out again without getting caught.”

Ryan nodded. “And no one gets hurt this time.”

“Good luck, dude.” Michael held out his fist.

Ryan tapped his knuckles to Michael’s. “You too.”

Ryan left the bathroom first. He wandered around a bit, greeting strangers, before locating Jack, chatting with a couple of members of a gang Ryan vaguely knew from Liberty City. “There you are,” he said. 

“Restroom break went well?” she joked.

“As well as a restroom break can go,” he replied. The other gang members laughed, clueless about their subtle code. “We should go find Burnie before this gets started.”

“Good idea. It was great talking to you, we’ll see you around. Maybe we can work something out,” Jack said to the other gang members.

“Michael?” Jack muttered. 

_ “I’m ready. Burnie’s near the door, there’s a guard too. Might be Coe.” _

“Tyler?”

_ “What other Coe do you know? Yes, Tyler Coe, moron. Get them away from the door.” _

Ryan saw Michael for a fraction of a second through the crowd as he and Jack wandered over to Burnie, talking to who was assuredly Tyler. “Burnie!” Ryan called.

Burnie turned his head and his face lit up. “Oh, hey, you guys!” he greeted, walking over. Tyler shadowed him. Ryan heard Jack let out a little sigh of relief; Tyler was guarding Burnie, not the door. “You made it!”

“We did,” Ryan said. He reached out to shake Burnie’s hand and was startled when he was pulled into a hug instead. 

“Long time, no see, Ryan,” Burnie said fondly as he released him. “Seriously, Austin’s way less fun with you guys gone. But Jeremy’s done a fantastic job with you guys.”

“He is a really good leader,” Ryan agreed. Jeremy made a fart noise in the coms. 

“And Jack!” Burnie held out his arms for her too. “I didn’t expect you to be here!”

“Well, someone had to keep Ryan company,” she joked. “Plus, I mean, Jeremy was gonna pay for my dress, so how could I say no?”

Jeremy made a longer fart noise. 

Ryan spotted movement behind Burnie but didn’t stray his eyes. He prayed Jack wouldn’t give Michael away. 

“How’s everyone else been doing?” Burnie asked.

“Good, very good,” Ryan replied. “I mean, Gavin blew up Geoff’s car the other day so he has to pay for a new one.”

“Again,” Jack added.

Burnie laughed. “Yeah, that sounds like Gavin. He’s still blowing everything up?”

_ “Not all he blows, _ ” Jeremy mumbled. Ryan almost broke character. Geoff’s howling laughter didn’t help. Jack coughed into her arm.

“Yep, far too frequently. At least he’s got an outlet for it,” Ryan said. “He’s a clever guy.”

“You know, I miss that little shit,” Burnie said affectionately. “Tell him to call or something.”

“Will do.”

“And tell Geoff to go fuck himself.”

_ “Ryan, you tell Burnie he can--” _

_ “Shh, Geoff!” _

“Gladly,” Jack said with a grin. “I’ll specify from you, since I think all of us tell him on a daily basis.”

Burnie laughed at that. “Maybe we’ll all grab lunch while I’m town, what do you think? Assuming the cops don’t kill us all immediately.”

“With as many gangs as are in the area? I’m sure LSPD is shaking in their corrupt boots,” Ryan said with a scoff. “We’ll be fine.”

Ryan could hear Michael swearing softly over the coms.  _ “Almost got it, guys.” _

“All right, cool, it’ll be on me.”

“Jeremy can call you tomorrow and we can figure it out from there,” Jack said. “If that works for you.”

_ “Stop making plans for me,” _ Jeremy said. Geoff made a fart noise at Jeremy this time. 

“Yeah, sure. So is there anything being auctioned you guys are looking at?”

Ryan almost broke. “A couple things,” he answered. “We’ll see how it goes before making any moves, though.”

“Smart,” Burnie said. He looked at his watch. “Oh, shit, it’s almost time. You might wanna find seats.”

_ “Got it! Keep them distracted, I’m leaving,”  _ Michael said.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Jack said. “I made a mistake wearing heels.”

“Ouch,” Burnie said sympathetically. “But hey, you look great. Both of you.”

“Thanks,” Jack replied with a smile. Ryan saw Michael leave the room and vanish into the crowd.

_ “Eggs are in the nest,”  _ he said. Ryan could hear his smile.

Burnie patted Ryan on the shoulder. “I’ll talk to you guys later.”

As Burnie headed for the stage with Tyler following him, Jack leaned into Ryan’s arm with a laugh of relief. “Oh, my god, I can’t believe we got away with that,” she said.

“We’re professionals,” Ryan reminded her, repeating her words from earlier. She smiled. “Let’s go sit down and watch the show.”

The crowd was gathering now, looking for seats. Jack and Ryan snagged a pair and sat to wait. 

_ “I’m on the other side,” _ Michael said.  _ “Got the camera, too. I’m ready to go.” _

“Good,” Ryan replied. “This will be fun.”

_ “We’re moving in,”  _ Jeremy said.  _ “Gav?” _

_ “Getting to the windows, _ ” he replied.  _ “Ryan, you’ll have to give us the signal.” _

“Affirmative.”

The auction began, but Ryan wasn’t paying the closest attention. Jack had the instructions on what to bid on, so he let his mind wander a bit. The anticipation was almost painful.

Several items came and went, including a warehouse of counterfeit electronics in Italy, a suitcase of stolen jewels, and a dump truck. Ryan eyed the jewels for himself, but Jack shook her head at him. 

Finally, a small lockbox was brought out. Ryan and Jack leaned forward. 

“This,” Burnie said, “is stolen from a dig site in Europe. It’s filled with the original gold coins. The starting bid is two thousand.”

“Burnie,” Ryan called. “Filled with the original gold coins?”

“Yes,” Burnie said. The crowd watched in mild interest. The thought of gold was always tempting, but the box itself looked boring. “I’ll open it to show you.”

“On my mark,” Ryan whispered. 

Burnie put the key in the lockbox and turned it. The click was quiet, but sounded like a gunshot to Ryan. 

When Burnie lifted the lid, it was instantaneous.

“Go.”

There was a popping sound like a dozen firecrackers at once, and Burnie jumped back with a shout as a metric fuckton of colorful confetti exploded out of the lockbox. At the same time, the windows shattered, and the rest of the Fakes came careening inside. Collectively, they all shouted at once, jumping to their feet.

“Happy birthday, Burnie!”

The confetti floated gently down on Burnie’s gaping face as he stared at the six members of the Fake AH Crew. The crowd was deathly silent.

Suddenly, Burnie roared with laughter. The crowd followed suit, and cheers began to ring out, as well as calls of celebration for Burnie’s birthday. 

Gavin, grinning ear to ear, high fived Michael. Geoff waved at Burnie, who waved back, still laughing. Jeremy tried to kick some of the glass away from the middle of the floor, but gave up. 

Eventually, as the confetti settled with the cheers and Burnie, red faced, caught his breath, the auction went on. Jeremy bid for the Fakes now, earning a residual burst of laughter from people every now and again. Occasionally someone would scoop up a handful of confetti and toss it up in the air. 

When everything was sold and the auction concluded, mingling started up again. Half the crowd congratulated the Fakes on their cleverly executed celebration, while the other half wished Burnie a happy birthday. Eventually, Burnie made his way to the Fakes.

The first thing he did was give Geoff a hug, and the second thing he did was fake a punch to his stomach. “You fuckers,” he said with a grin. He looped an arm around Gavin and ruffled his hair, earning a squawk. “I can’t believe you!”

“It was all Jeremy’s idea!” Gavin told him proudly.

“We-ell,” Jeremy said. “It was way better than your idea.”

“It would’ve been awesome!”

“Fireworks would have killed someone, dumbass!” Jeremy shook his head. 

Burnie laughed. “You guys are the worst. Thank you. Also… good job. I don’t know how you did it.”

Michael took a bow and his wig fell off. “World’s greatest infiltrator,” he bragged. “No one had any fucking idea.”

“And distraction crew,” Ryan added, taking Jack’s arm again with a grin. “All for you, Burnie.”

“So that lunch,” Geoff started.

“I’ll pay,” Jeremy interrupted. “You pick a place, Burnie, it’ll my treat. Happy birthday, dude.”

**Author's Note:**

> come drop by my tumblr rage-quitter!


End file.
